Comments : Seed of a Haven 1

  • 11 years ago

    by NicoleBaby101

    Wow..............its just wow.............oh my God that was just great no excellent! i give it a 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this piece. The flow was sort of messy, as was the form. Usually in forms such as these (that have no precise pattern) I'm excited to read them, because sometimes the "messy" effect can really work for a poem. But I wasn't so sure about this.

    "But I am here
    to take blood.
    And take care that everybody
    who run here,
    fall here."

    Do you not mean to say: "And take care that every who *runs* here, *falls* here."? It doesn't sound right as it is. I wasn't sure if you were writing that because you meant to, or if this precise piece of English was just wrong.

    Overall though, you kept a very convincing dark theme throughout, which I enjoyed. Not bad.