Okay
wow
i like your style and this was really good writing.
but i have some pointers
a* change up the wording so it's not so typical. this is love. love is spicy and flavored. so make it taste good.
b* don't force rhymes. when they sound forced it changes the manor of the piece. i think some rhymes seem forced here.
c* you have raw talent. make this longer so it sounds more efficient and has a larger impact.
wonderful writing overall!

Lexie