Comments : Solider against the massive

  • 15 years ago

    by rumba

    I love your poem. I think you have an amazing skill and talent :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Dan Bloom

    I love the idea!!! Cool.

    Solider against the massive
    by Jj

    What i am is nothing
    what i am is a shadow
    i am a renegade fighting
    constantly fighting the massive
    fighting the main stream idea
    the idea of what i am supposed to be
    because what i am is the light
    i am a solider who fights for freedom
    i fight for the most important freedom
    the freedom of individuality

    ^^ If I were you I wouldn't say you were nothing... and then say you were a shadow because a shadow is something and thats kinda contradictory haha

    ^^When you say you are a light... It's kinda hard to believe when a shadow is really darkness.

    I would fix it by changing the word shadow into something else... like forgotten or something synonymous to what youre trying to express.

    Solider against the massive
    by Jj

    What I am is nothing.
    what I am is forgotten.
    I am a renegade fighting
    constantly fighting the massive
    fighting the main stream idea
    the idea of what I am supposed to be
    because what I am is the light
    I am a solider who fights for freedom
    I fight for the most important freedom
    the freedom of individuality.

    It just makes a little more sense. I know shadow sounds cooler but maybe with a thesaurus you could find something better that made a bit more sense? Idk! Great write though! I always give criticism to even my favorite poems so I mean the best. Its just my opinion!