Comments : Unconquered Thoughts

  • 15 years ago

    by Yazdan

    Nice poem but having the rhyming go on and off kinda threw off the rhythm i found. Also you had some really awquard wording like
    "Now i really am thinking i am a fool
    Is the right choice i made really the one"
    I find myself doing it a lot too but trying to re-arrange words to make it flow better makes it awquard to read. Plus sometimes it just gets difficult to understand lol. I personaly found that the poem more had the air of a narative as opposed to a poem. Try using some more eloquent and poetic language in your poems. Writting in pros can be effective up to a certain point but pushing your comfort zone with your vocabulary will yeild some great results. The poem was good i liked it, you definitly have the talent to be a great poet. Good job!