First of all, I think this is beautifully written.
"She holds my heart in the palm of her hands,
Careful not to drop it or squeeze too tight,
Her love like an ocean will meet all sands,
In the darkness she is my guiding light."
^^ This is a fantastic opening stanza. I quite like how the love you two share already shines through. "In the darkness she is my guiding light" <--- Possibly one of the most beautiful lines I've come across in any poem.
"When our eyes meet her love gives me a rose,
I'll forever walk in her garden of love,
Feelings I get from my head to my toes,
Nobody else in this world is placed above."
^^ Aw. This stanza is very sweet. It's absolutely mind-blowing. You two have definite talent.
"Life in her arms is perpetual bliss,
Holding me close I can taste her sweet skin,
With lips to die for, I'd die for her kiss,
We're a coin, heads and tails, we'll always win."
^^ Ah. Your word choice in this stanza is amazing.
"Serendipity brought us love so real,
I wish this was something you all could feel."
^^ The ending is absolute perfection. It's a great way to end the poem, and yet it still shows how much you two love each other.
Overall; I loved it, obviously. You two have written a beautiful piece together. 5/5
& congratulations to you both. :]
11 years ago
Very sweet, one of the best collabs. i've seen yet. You've got great flow, great word choice and descriptions :]