Let's start out properly with an introduction
where all we say is, "get the f-ck out of my life".
we're all choking on abundance of destruction;
the whispers seem calmer these days and the world could be called a mess.
^^A strong way to start out.
and tonight you're begging to be sober; no one's there to tell you it'll get better in the morning--
and you think this is easy.
^^My favorite stanza. I have alot of experience with "wanting to be sober".
i remember the days when you knew what it all meant;
it's been so long ago, that past.
and today i tasted the bitter future where we remembered each other's names;
trust me, you wouldn't want it.
^^How bittersweet, but very truthful and sad.
I really liked this poem. And I don't think you're losing your touch at all. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at naming other people's poems (let alone, my own lol), so I don't have a suggestion there; sorry. I thought this one, however, was brilliant.
I thought it was alright, not one of your best though, and no you're not losing your touch just not in the zone you were. I think if it were told in story format it would have been more interesting but as a poem, I don't like how it's organized, or the word oh. It's descriptitve and thought provocating, but not what I'm used to seeing. P.S I just got back into writing as well and I know the feeling of fearing you are l osing your touch and again you are not.
Hmmm I think the title should be
"I'm losing it, I fear" or something along those lines lol it fits the poem and youre thinking it yourself about your poetry although it's untrue you still got it.
I also just wrote my first poem in months and don't know how i feel about it most writers accumulate feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy after dry spells but if you had it before it's quite hard to lose it.
Now in regards to the poem, I thought it was pretty neat. It had quite a bit of beautiful imagery and ideas, my favorite being:
"oh, those artifical smiles; they're what i live for,
remembering that i only have to impress everyone around me."
I love it when people can admit that they do do things to impress people around them because everyone does it but it takes a person with balls per say to admit it.
I also enjoyed the raw disgust with your past when you were mentioning the future with your ex
I dug the theme, although it was some what generic which is totally fine i loved it nonetheless.
Raw, angry, mad at the world. Sick of the past but longing for it. lost in a world of mixed values and severe personal problems. love it
and the end was killer, a perfect way to end this poem
no reasons just excuses. a great line to leave the reader thinking about your poem as he/she ventures off to other activities throughout the day
"The Abundance of Destruction" or "Begging to be Sober"
I really enjoyed the poem and the deep meaning hidden beyond it's words. The one line that really got to me was "and tonight you're begging to be sober; no one's there to tell you it'll get better in the morning" I honestly believe those words are so true, we often believe if we can make it through the night things will get better, forgetting there will always be darkenss to follow. Excellent poem 5/5 GG23 P.S. i = I :) great work
Wow, I almost forgot about your work, Dear. Thank God I didn't.
You still have it, if not, better? Your work seems to have grown since I last read it, I can see that with just the few I've read today. Definately reminds me of the reason I did stay on this site: the rare talent.