I love this poem temps :) i love the meaning behind it. great piece

An amazing and inspirational write. To be able to write such words, you must have grown into such a wise person. For indeed, life is tough, but if one believes that true happiness is found inside then the worlds magic becomes crystal clear.

Well done

Michael

Yes this is true cakes... If everyone thought like this the world would be a better place.
Good work cakes =)

Its good and it comes to the heart! keep it up! 5/5

Ah. Good, positive message. I loved it. It's saying people should think positive, because while there may be bad things going on, something good will always come from it. Wonderful.

I loved your word choice in this piece. It's amazing, as usual. You seem to have a way with words; you're able to make them flow so beautifully.

Five out of five.

``Briana

Good write. I try to stay positive when things really get bad but sometimes it is hard. I think you have inspired me to write a poem like this. 5/5

You are a godsend. I've been looking for a poet like you on this site. I just got here, and so far, I've yet to be really impressed by a poem, until now. Fantastic job!

5/5

Ah wonderful! This reminds me of a poem that I wrote many months ago. It was entitled "Repent". I too believe the same thing. We really should notice what is bad and focus on what is good.

I find it to be bad to be over optimistic though, for anyone. When one does such things they find themselves as a victim of naivety. However it's never crime to look up at the positive things in life, if you don't take it for granted. This poem is one of those friendly reminders that tells you why :) Excellent work.

Usually I would tell people their poem was at least decent unless it was unremarkable which rarely happens, well, this one really wasn't in my taste. It was probably the mood, I know you meant for it to be uplifiting but it seemed too Hallmark card type of uplifting, and with regular uplifting you can knock it down a few inches.

You use some nice vocabulary and words I never actually saw people use before. That's pretty good of you but then you also repeat words such as joy and pain which are really a bit cliche. You use joy three times and once is with pain which you use that word at least twice. Not to mention that one of these lines really bothered me:

"and smile despite that you may be dying internally." To me this is saying that even though you feel depressed to always smile, sort of in a way faking a smile, and for someone who has done that for a while, I'm not really into hearing it as advice though I might have taken it wrong. "that happiness is the key to success." This line is pretty cliche too.

My advice: If you want a poem to seem optimistic, try not to say it with the word optimism in the poem. Use metaphors or personification to establish a point that you created instead of saying it right off the bat, keep the paragraph set up, you did a good job on it but read it aloud and if you stumble too much, try and re-work the line.

I love all these words =D Totally nice poem! I was feeling a bit down just right now.. but it made me think about it too.. and you're right =]

xxx

This was a very inspirational poem, and i loved the vocabulary you used. you got your message across well.

"Affray through the anguish and you will see,
that life is truly abundant of joy."

i think that many of us (myself included) tend to only focus on the bad in life. i like how u put that line in there to remind that there is lots of joy in the world.

excellent job, 5/5.

Wow what a lesson for life. I believe your poem applies to the whole of mankind. The words seemed so natural n flowing so wel that I kept on reading like a knife thru butter.

Loved every bit of.

tc
Fsams

I did not like the repetition and the poem did not seem to have a specific rhythm or flow. I see the message you were trying to convey but it seemed more like a cliche lined letter of intended motivation. I think some tweaking would help.

Find the joy beyond the pain.
`it started flowing smoothly until it hit that line. It was too abrupt; too short and I found it rather cliche.

that life is truly abundant of joy.
`you used joy again. That bothers me, especially since it's so early in the piece. Try using a different word.

Your syllabication in this piece stumbled quite a bit. I was actually disappointed. You flow was all over the place, because some lines were long but fit, and then suddenly there's a sudden stop from a shorter line.

I feel like when you're writing a piece that's meant to be optimistic, it's better not to use any form of that word within the piece. Everything was too straightforward, and I didn't really get any metaphors from it. The only image I got really was someone trying to get through life with a strained smile, while inside they're molding and behind them is a mocking ray of sun shining on an ugly path.

You opened with a direct message, and that's great, and your ending concluded but the in-between was just ... mushy. It wasn't amazing; it wasn't horrible, but it didn't really grasp my full attention either.

I hope that you'll go through this and edit more, because I know you can do better--I've seen you write amazing.

..__MiNDYY