Comments : She Died

  • 16 years ago

    by HuRtInG bEcAuSe Of YoU

    Im so sorry to hear that. But it was a good poem

  • 16 years ago

    by Hollywood

    Im very sorry to hear about that. It must be very hard to cope with everything! The most saddest things bring out the most painful but hearfelt things ever!

  • 16 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    There a many little grammar mistakes that make the poem more difficult to read. Reread it and see if you might be able to fix them, please. It would make it more understandable and better help to let people relate to the emotion there.

    I've been through basically the same experience, but different, I am so sorry another one of us had to endure that kind of hard ship. Its still hard to get through the day. I am sorry.

  • 16 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    Ok, lets see here.
    "Me and my girlfriend couldn't be happier"
    Into
    "My girlfriend and I couldn't be happier"
    "Seconds after I heard the sound of a crash"
    Into
    "Seconds later I hear the sound of a crash"
    "I went down stairs the faster I can"
    Into
    "I go downstairs as fast as I can"
    "And I saw my friend car crashed"
    Into
    "And I saw my friends car crashed"
    "When I arrive she was still breeding"
    Into
    "When I arrive she's still breathing"
    "I hold her in my arms and i said:"
    Into:
    "I hold her in my arms and I say:
    "Everything will be ok, OK, ILOVE YOU"
    Into
    "Everything will be ok. OK? I LOVE YOU"
    "I knew she couldncouldn'tvive"
    "I knew she couldn't live" Or "I knew she couldn't survive" either one works.
    "They didn't ldide be with her"
    I dont know exactly what you are trying to say here, Idide?
    "They told me she wouldn't swouldn't"
    into
    "They told me she wouldn't make it"
    "I didn't want didelieve it"
    into
    "I didn't want to believe it"
    "To talk with her before she die"
    into
    "To talk with her before she died"
    "And she told me she didn't want todid"
    into
    "And she told me she didn't want to die"
    "I hugged and she whispered me that"
    into
    "I hugged her and she whispered to me that"
    "And for last she said:"
    into
    "And lastly she said:"
    "I will love you for all the eternity"
    into
    "I will love you for all of eternity"
    "And she died in m arms"
    into
    "And she died in my arms"
    "I didn't want to beliedid_She was there move less"
    into
    "I didn't want to believe it. She was there motionless"
    "I lost my so"
    into
    "I lost my son"
    "And she didn't done anything"
    into
    "And she didn't do anything"
    "Tdidserve what she gets"
    into
    "To deserve what she got"