Comments : Devour Your Soul and Heart

  • 15 years ago

    by Gabba Gabba Hey

    You have a very good Elizabethan way of writing, I do admire it! I rather like this poem better than the other one I read. I think you captured your writing style better in this one.
    This poem was worth reading several times.
    As for suggestions...
    well, you wrote 'oe'r' once instead of 'o'er'. That's just spelling...
    Nice double use of the words 'steal' and 'steel' the similarities in word sounds was really, really well installed.
    'And thus when love feels pain unending,
    Must your heart become hard and unbending.'
    this actually kind of reminded me of Hamlet. These lines stuck out to me a lot, and I like the aspect of 'love' feeling something. And the though of 'bending' hearts. Very well written.
    I feel that your ending is mixed, trying to choose between being cold, or being overwhelmed, but I think it's good that way. It makes me have to choose for myself.
    'It will destroy you,'
    this line is a great turning point. It changes it from static to fleshed. I liked that.
    The line about withering and dying before dawn was good, because dawn can mean a lot of things--another great dual use of a word.
    Great job!