I like poetry that is written in stanzas and verses not in just words...This is my opinion...
I'm sure if U could change the style of ur poem even If it didn't rhyme,It would be perfect....
Sure I mean no offense,It's just my point of view...
But I have to say that The subject is interesting and I was attracted to read it till the end...
Good job,plz keep it up
Wish ya all the best..