Pretty good! I liked it overall. I think the end could have been written a little more masterfully; there seemed to be a small change of tense. But really, nice work.

I liked the concept of this piece a lot. It's original; nice.

I felt this poem was better than the last I read. It has great punctuation, and a really nice structure.

Now that punctuation is taken care of in this poem, I'd like to suggest something else. Perhaps you could work on using new words when writing your work. Your words are fine, but they're every day words that I can find anywhere. A simple way to do this is after writing a piece, go through and find a word that you think you could make into a better word. A thesaurus is perfect for this.

My honest critique: 4/5