Comments : Where Did You Go?

  • 15 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    *Firstly, I like that the title is a question. I like that, because already I can tell I am going to have to wonder something. Good job with that. :]

    "Where did you go?
    My messages you must reply.
    Where did you go?
    My phone calls you mustn't deny."

    -- Hm. I liked this. The rhymes were quite good, as was the flow. I believe, in the second/fourth line, there should be a comma after "messages"/"calls". I could be wrong, however. It's likely, actually. Hahah. :] Also, I like the word "mustn't". It's still pretty simple, but I've not seen it very often in poetry.

    "Where did you go?
    My love you pushed away.
    Where did you go?
    My visits you always delay."

    -- I'm going to have to point out the same second/fourth line issues I noticed in the first stanza. The more I think about it, the more it's yelling at me to say it each time. Haha. That's, truthfully, the only thing I've noticed throughout the poem so far.

    "Where did you go?
    My scores you tried to defeat.
    Where did you go?
    My letters you keep discrete."

    -- Good word choice here. The vocabulary helps convey how you're feeling now that this guy is putting off your calls, and visits, and trying to win. I like it.

    "Where did you go?
    My life is empty because of you.
    Where did you go?
    Your answer is long overdue."

    -- ah! This is a *perfect* ending to this piece! I thought it was pretty clever how you snuck [is that a word? lol] that last bit in the poem. Most of the time, you'll find poems that repeat throughout, but change at the end to pull off a good finish.

    *Overall; I really like this. The only thing I have to point out is the fact that this is quite hard to critique, because you repeat one line a lot, which is okay, but there's only so much to be said about it.

    Five out of five. [5/5]

    ``Briana