Comments : Desperate beings

  • 15 years ago

    by xXxemzxXx

    Hey this is a really good poem you hav used your vocab very well the flow is great and i absolutely loved it

  • 15 years ago

    by Momentary Relapse

    Interesting...I like your diction cuz it flows well together. The rhyme scheme actually fits this. There is a problem with the last line because it "to try only have" does not make sense. Just a heads up. The undertone gives off a darkness that suits this piece.
    ~Faith-less

  • 15 years ago

    by Shellaine shelli

    Wow, that was a truly amazing piece. it was one of those poems that just kept me intrigued by each word. your use of wording was perfect. This was such a powerful piece it really reflected the dark truth that everyone tries to deny.***Left with happiness that only fills fleeting dreams
    Trying in reality no matter what the futile means
    Trapped by desperation in maze with no gate
    Falling down to try only have morals desecrate.****
    wow, this final stanza was absolutely incredible. it just had such an impact and really brought the poem 2gether. you really have an amazing talent!!! Keep it up!!
    shells

  • 15 years ago

    by Krista

    I really liked it. 5/5. I liked the flow and the words. it sounds good.

  • 15 years ago

    by Robert Anthony

    Loved it, i liked the flow of it, awesome job 7/5

  • 15 years ago

    by DON DYABLO

    Loved the poem u have great flow

  • 15 years ago

    by scarredlibran

    Your dark is beautiful my friend.

  • 15 years ago

    by KeyxMashingxParody

    Very well put together, but felt somewhat forced towards the middle, but the flow was very well thought out and the rhyme scheme was simply wonderful. Loved the message as well my friend. 4/5

    Sincerely,
    Elizabeth

  • 15 years ago

    by Shotput Girl

    This one had a nice flow to it. I liked the message in this one too. Godd job.

  • 15 years ago

    by xxLivxx

    Wow this was amazing. it told such a visual story. very nice read. please keep writing you're amazing. 5/5. thanks for the comment on mine by the way.

    -Liv.

  • 15 years ago

    by Robert

    This was a great poem the images you painted with your words were great and the images stark and real great work all and all the flow was abit off but as a whole great work Plot121

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    Wow this was just amazing! What always stands out to me in your poems is your flawless flow and how you always get the rhyme to go together nicely without anything seeming forced or out of place. Great choice of words to create this grueling scene. I was captivated and could imagine everything nicely in my mind with your descriptions. Filled with an immense amount of power and strength really added to the overall meaning.

    Well done.
    *5/5* :]