Comments : You + me

  • 15 years ago

    by Its Jessiika Baybee

    I like Thiis One ..
    Its Short And Sweet But Its Good ...
    Keep It Up ...
    Comment On Mine Pleasee Lovee x

  • 15 years ago

    by Hatori

    Hmm... the flow's a little off on some lines which affected the overall look of the poem. The lines started to get a little sketchy even though you had a farily strong beginning. I think the main thing for you to focus on might be using a really unique idea that comes to you ^_^ since so many love poems are similar to this

    "Please don't be angry,
    Don't be sad."

    ^^^^I think it'd help if you used "Please don't be sad" again so that it was starting with those words for two lines. The reason behind this is that it kinda plays along with how you used "I didn't mean..." to start the beginning 2 lines of the poem. So basically what I'm saying is repeating like that gives a sort of ring.
    Therefore the beginning would be like this:
    "I didn't mean to hurt you,
    I didn't mean the words I said.
    Please don't be angry,
    Please don't be sad."

    One more thing is maybe dividing into stanza's? That's totally up to you though. It might organize thoughts more ^^

    That might have sounded a bit confusing since I fail at explaining things ^^; but still, poetry is what you want it to be =] these are just some pointers if ya like

    --Ashe

  • 15 years ago

    by robyn

    I like this one.... short and sweet bt agen full of meaning keep it up please comment on mine =D