Comments : Dillema

  • 15 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    First of all I have to say this is a wonderful poem and I loved the way you described this girl being in love with two by using a candle. It was very smart.
    And second I just wanted to help you with some grammatical errors:

    No you didn't lost your mind
    (here it should be- lose your mind.)
    You can still change your mind
    You still have plenty of time
    In the end it rest ( here it should be rests)with which ever you're fine

    Not for him
    Not for me
    It's for own self only ( it would sound better if you said your self only)

    I think you're a dime
    A person whose worth spending time
    We can chill by the beach
    drinking coke with lime

    Hopefully the weather is fine
    If it rains
    There's always the train
    By the way
    I forgot to say
    you looked lovely with that chain

    Your heart is in pain
    your feelings ain't ( aren't) the same
    you're in love with two person (here it should be people)
    who has (have) the same name

    Nope ( I would prefer no here instead of nope but that just depends on what you like) this is not a love game
    Nope (same thing here) this can never be the same
    Two candles
    Both fighting for the same flame

    Only one will be lit
    Only one will gain
    But it all lies with
    which candle the flame
    choose(s) to claim
    Anyway the ideah and thoughts were perfect, just change those errors and the poem will flow better.
    Overall your poem is very good 5/5