Comments : Can It Be?

  • 15 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    The thought of you hurting me,
    Doesn't leave my mind.
    I'm afraid that you'll hurt me,
    Perhaps add again at the end of the last line to get rid of the repetition of "me" .
    Just like you did before.
    I keep thinking to myself,
    "What am I doing wrong?"
    All I'm trying to show you,
    Is how much I truly care.
    But maybe you don't wanna know,
    Maybe you just want to play.
    I'd emphesize on what he's playing , such as games perhaps ?
    I wish you could tell me,
    Exactly what you feel for me,
    But I know that won't happen,
    Since it seems that you're afraid.
    Afraid of a little commitment,
    Letting yourself love again.
    Or maybe it can be,
    That you don't want ME.
    Maybe I'm just being paranoid,
    Since I'm afraid to lose you.
    I won't know for sure,
    Until you tell what you feel.
    Not a fan of this last line .. Theres a million and one better ways to put it .
    'Till then I'll just write these words,
    And hide my true feelings.
    Not too sure what you mean by the last two lines .. Because you're kind of expressing your feelings with the words .. I don't know . Maybe I'm missing a point , but unfortunately this poem is still missing something . Maybe changing your format to something that rhymes or has a specific flow might help you out . 4/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Brittany C

    I liked this poem. I see nothing wrong with it. I gave it a 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    4/5 because it has potential. But, it lacks emotion in certain areas. The flow is okay and once you get the emotion a bit stronger it'll probably be great. The meaning/portrayed emotion is very noticeable and relatable. Not much needs done to make this a great poem, just a few changes in the wording and such.