Comments : Dare

  • 15 years ago

    by Gabba Gabba Hey

    Two grammatical/spelling things that I would fix:
    in the third stanza, third line, I personally think this would be better:
    'then confess mine to be darker' instead of 'me'. It goes with the previous sentences better. (in my opinion)
    and then in the last stanza, second line, I think you meant 'what' instead of 'that'
    Though I do really like this poem, the ending seems a bit abrupt to me. Perhaps a one liner at the end?
    I like the idea of 'pouring' the sickest dream. I don't know, it kind of resonates and gives me the chills.
    I like it!