The first time I saw you,
I almost cried.
I looked you in the eyes,
Remembering how we had said our goodbyes.
*very sad, and very powerful beginning.*
Your face was the same,
But you were covered in white
How can you stand before me this day,
Then smile at me and say,
"I love you baby,
And I want to you know,
For the end of time,
Forever. Oh, and you will be fine."
*great imagery in here, it was almost as if i was there to see it.*
I lightly smiled at your voice,
Lingering on every word,
I tried to reach out to you,
But my hand fell straight through.
*this is a sad part :(*
I gasped as you looked at me sadly,
You stepped closer to me with a small smile,
I looked at you, scared you might flee
As you continued to stare at me.
"I want you back."
I spoke. And you shook your head.
"Must you always want what you can't have?
Look, I don't have much time to give.
"I love you dear, you know that,
But you should also know,
That because I love you a bunch,
I don't want you to suffer so much.
"I know you want me back,
And I know how much you miss me.
I miss you too dear,
But you truly have nothing to fear.
"Some will hurt you,
But some will love you,
Give love a second chance,
Don't let us be your last dance.
"If it every gets to be too much,
Just call me down, I'm always here,
For I am your guardian angel,
As I will always be, I am no fable."
I tried once more to reach out to him,
But this time as I tried,
He started to fade,
Soon, another shade.
I silently cried, tears flowing down my cheeks,
But he just smiled at me and said,
"Goodbye my love,
Never forget, I shall always be your dove."
**These stanzas were awesome, they were so sad... sorry i didnt critique each one seperatly like the other poems, but my mom is rushing me to get off the computer, any ways, This poem was flawless, and the fact that you wrote it for someone was heart breaking. It had great imagery, and an amazing flow... great job!**
An okay write, the descriptions were great, and I felt as though I was in the writers shoes myself experiencing something similar, so good job with that.. imagery was good. Now - your rhyming, sometimes I felt as though it was forced.. but it wasnt bad at all, the flow was decent. The emotion was absolutely overflowing in the piece, I commend you on such a great job wth the emotions, they were clearly felt as the reader read further. Great write, you portrayed the emotion part so well that I thought really made your poem a success.
This was sorta like a story with a lot of dialouge, but the emotions really tugged at my heart. Touching piece to say the least.