Comments : Cascading Colours

  • 12 years ago

    by Nee

    Wow Em that was so amazing.
    Even though your rhyming words held nothing new..you tended to pen the poem perfectly that it didn't show any flaw.

    My memories fade as pictures do.
    I wish for once a dream come true.

    I really definitely love those lines..they were so intense and heartfelt, left me wondering how true this is

    "Empyness, left my heart hollow."
    I have to say I didn't get this line..because of the first word..the only true assumption is that it's "emptiness" instead of "empyness".

    As death approches to my door,
    I let my defences drop to the floor.
    Cleanse my broken heart of evil sin.
    Rid of the pain that does linger within.

    I think this stanza was just the most wonderful one in the whole piece..it sounded really dark, I would consider this poem more of a dark one.
    Although you have misspelled the words "approach" and "defense".
    other than that..it was just flawless.

    I don't know why have I not felt any flaw in your rhyme..I guess the wording strengthened the poem more.
    Loved your title..loved everything in the piece.
    just one little thing..the idea of committing suicide just because of a "he", didn't sound that strong..you know you could've said that you're going to take your own life because of something stronger and more powerful than a guy.
    yeah I know love causes pain, heartbreaks and eternal grief, it just doesn't seem to me like it's the most powerful thing in life.
    Anyway still I do love the poem.

    Write on
    I missed your writings so much
    Nee

  • 12 years ago

    by Brenden

    "Cleanse my broken heart of evil sin.
    Rid of the pain that does linger within"
    My favorite part of the poem, well written! loved reading this poem, a darker poem, but you really gave a visual to the emotions in it. 5/5 very nice

  • 12 years ago

    by Love Panda

    Wow - truly amazing! as always! x x x