This is a great poem. It's a bit blunt and could probably be more poetic like, but it's still well written. Just more in an essay/short story type. The beginning was okay. I think it could use a bit more to it, as well as the ending. The only reason I say that is because it's so story like. Which, I really like that in poems. But, it's almost not like a poem at all, just a broken up story...

Good job though, it really is. I don't want to rain on the parade because it's still well written.

Good work you did good keep it up