Comments : Blue Tango of Action's Grief; a walk into quagmire

  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Another wave of whispers and awkward peeks--
    i take a sip of sentimental bubble tea,
    ironically made by you.
    the essence of cold turkey still running through my veins;
    solution of our breaths, the underlying tonic...
    (i inhale only to exhale again, letting go of noxious remnants
    that i'll only puff in and in once more.)"

    ^^Ahh..what a truly beautiful opening. The depth and emotion within these lines is incredible while the imagery is vividly detailed, pulling me into the piece and I can't wait to continue reading.

    "to give lonesome stares from across the room
    reading me dribble poetry in worthless mumbles.
    (fragile, shocking, cataclysmic to the pulse--
    echo of one's footsteps never stopped to hear)"

    ^^This is incredible..just brilliant..the melancholy within these lines is almost overwhelming and I can feel my heart drop with sorrow with each line I read..

    "constant walks with only proper imaginings,
    lay stepping stones further away from your voice."

    ^^I'm not to sure on these lines, they seem weaker to me than the rest of the poem which is strong throughout.

    " killed time once for laughter's sake--
    but mazes of confinement left me for dead.
    (so do tell me again--
    enlighten me, why don't you please...)
    the means of total eclipse, only to shatter malady."

    ^^Love the rest of this stanza, hard hitting, powerful, certainly grabbed my attention.

    "these walls let air in but not one atom leaves,
    personification of my desperate grab for early numbers--
    a hand reaches, i gasp forward only to pull back;
    (these callous fingers can't be yours...
    and yet i brake.)
    like the fumbling words splayed across your tongue,
    these tickled smiles never seem to flinch."

    ^^In my opinion, this is the stanza that makes the entire poem..I don't even know what to say about this part except that I frikken love it, and it blew me away.

    "to murmur love against my skin,
    sliding venom through the faintest lesion.
    (dejected, inoperative, combusted against the lips--
    "i adore you..." sigh; the parody.)"

    ^^Oh myyy..what can I say except that this is a faboulous way to close this piece!! I absolutely adore these closing lines, this is certainly a powerful closing, and something that will stay with the reader.

    I love this.