Comments : Premature Conclusion

  • 15 years ago

    by Spirit

    I can't see how, don't know why
    I feel as if I'm (living) destined to die
    I wish I understood, {I} wish that I knew
    but the fact remains, that I know (this is) {it's} true

    that my fuse was cut (to) {at} the very end
    (that) {and} I'm restrained to what (the) fate(s) intend{s}
    I look to my future and (all) I see (is) {only} dark
    not even a candle{,a} flicker, (not even) a spark

    I'm here for a (good) time (and) {but} not (for) a long one
    (since) before we know it my life will be done
    I('ve) burned bright, brighter, then faded away
    nothing more than a match fallen (in this) a(sh)tray

    compared to other's{,} my life is (but) a fleeting existence
    doomed to dissolution{,} while you're gifted with nascence
    Some of us are created with a purpose to stay
    Mine was to join in(,) {and then} just to go away

    (word)=take out
    {word}=add

    If I messed up your poem I'm sorry

    love the message though

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    Interesting, I havnt quite seen a poem similar to this in wording before so great job, theres only one little thing I think you could do to make it perfect and that would be to use capps at the beginning of each new sentance =]
    The first stanza I would have to say is my favourite because the reader gets pulled straight into the piece and trys to understand your feelings. Overall a sad poem yet it's written beautifully ^^