Comments : Dark Hallways

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    "I tried everything"
    I tried = I've tried or I have tried
    (personally, I think that I've tried sounds better because it addes oomph but not more syllables)
    and after everything there shouldn't be a comma but a semi-colon. it's not needed but i thought i'd let you know.. in case you didn't? lol

    "Only when I am dead and gone
    but that could be too long"
    -
    'when i am' = when i'm. (i personally think that sounds better for that line, since there's a lack of syllables in the next one.)
    'but that' = and that

    "Life is not a hallway but a door

    This pen has told so many sad stories,
    most are so obsolete like, stone quarries."

    ^^ Loved those three lines. Though you don't need a comma in the last one, at all. I still love them. AMAZING ENDING.

    I loved this poem and same as you do I always enjoy the meaning just as much, if not more as the poem itself. I do look for certain things in poems other than the meaning though. They themselves as poems should stand out to me. Which this one did. I think that the meaning is well relatable along with the way you've written it. The flow is well done, as well as the emotion. I do believe with the few changes above it could be a flawless poem.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    A very sad write you youv'e written it very weel, beautiful job yet again. The emotion in this poem is strong and as a reader i felt sympathy towards the writter =] Excellent job and i think yoir chioce of heading was well suited to the poem! 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Once you stop looking for answers you will see the truth and know you have known it all along. There are no answers to anything, Shaun. All we "know"is just a theory and written down experiences of others and the repetition of events somehow gives them the power of "' realness".
    The only thing I can tell you is this: accept yourself as you are, you are meant to be like this. Accept life as it present itself to you and work with what you have and what comes your way. Once you are at the end of your life's journey all the pieces of the puzzle will fall in it's place and you will know no mistakes were made.
    Try to see your life as a film you are watching. Just watch it without wanting to know how it ends already..there is no need..just enjoy the ride;)

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    All diseases, Mental awareness
    I don't know what life is, but a mess
    I miss the way they were before
    Life is not a hallway but a door

    *Favorite stanza :) I feel that way sometimes like I don't know what life is about. This poem was simple, but I understand your thoughts completely and clearly. I'm not a big fan of the style, but that doesn't take way from the rest of the poem. Your a good writer...keep em coming. Nik*