Comments : That Poker Face You Make

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    I really liked this poem. It was charismatic. I found myself smiling through it all, mostly because of the imagery. Of course the emotion is nothing to smile about but how you put it into words is unique and gratifying.

    Seems you know how to write quite well? I'm sure of it.

  • 15 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Poker Face
    ^
    A title full of imagery. We all see the straight face, but best of all we imagine the deceit beneath the twinkle less eyes!

    1st Stanza
    I like how you have slowed down the sequence of events by allowing the call to the emergency services to have the first two lines. I realise that this phone call is a metaphor. Maybe for an actor, a person who manipulates their character to obtain a required response. In this scenario, he gets no response and so the pain becomes real. I like this! :)

    Stanza 2
    Queen of hearts - this is probably a person familiar to you, or you? Years of abuse has caused dire consequences. I love the imagery of shattered diamonds. I see this like blood showering, especially with the reference to wrists. Nice work here! :)

    Stanza 3
    A couple of questions to make the reader think. *Note typo on is't* Is it: is it, or it's?
    The question makes you wonder if love is just a illusion to lure those in so that pain can do it thing?
    Trapped in between the white lines - a reference to drugs. Drugs helping to mask the pain of emotional/physical trauma?
    The word shiver, sounds very final, almost like a death!

    Stanza 4
    Here we see you slow the story down. Winding it down to a stop. It has a mellow feeling, like a feeling of exhaustion?
    After the bloodshed, al that is left is tears.

    Well done on this write.

    Michael