Comments : I can stand here strong, cold as stone

  • 12 years ago

    by HidinVictim

    This is beautiful, I REALLY enjoyed this... Its very unique I love the symbolism, and imagery you used very good... 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by TheWorldFellNUWerentThere

    The last verse reminded me of the people of the past. I didn't get very much any of the poem but that last verse. I sensed a lot of pain went through your past in this, with love. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "I can stand here strong, cold as stone
    You can stand there blank, all alone
    We'll fight through the night, tears will fall
    Our house can divide as our pride stands tall"

    ^^The only thing I didn't like was the use of "our" in the last line, I think it flows better without.

    Having said that, I LOVE this opening stanza, so much depth emotion, a beautiful flow (except for that part lol) and such wonderful imagery instantly drags me right into the piece.

    "Fascination in your own world, glamour in mine
    Artistry ruined by grade A, that's what they call fine.
    Ugliness shall remain the virtue, value the vice
    I can stand here strong since justice isn't nice"

    ^^ I don't like the "I" in the last line, maybe..

    Standing here strong? Or something along those lines.

    "Purity blames the rickety old hinges falling apart,
    as decency scolds the ruined, broken heart.
    The quality of what we've become leaves us alone
    as we fight through the night, cold as stone"

    ^^ Imagery in this stanza alone is atounding, creates such pretty pictures in my head, and brings out so many emotions.

    "You've rocked my world, I've rocked yours
    There's more that meets the eye than rotten apple cores.
    You'll leave here tomorrow with tears in our eyes,
    I promise not to stop you, I forbid any lies."

    Second line-I think it would flow better without the"there's"

    "I can stand here strong, cold as stone
    You can stand there blank, all alone
    Nothing's ever changed, we're worn to the bone,
    and apologetic kindness won't bring you home "

    ^^ I love the lines you chose to repeat, they worked very well to get your point across without it becoming to repetitive, and I adore the closing lines, as I read more of your work I'm realizing you have a way with closing your poems so that it stays with the reader instead of being instantly forgotten about like so many others.

    In my favourites.

  • 12 years ago

    by Adelle

    This is the best piece I have read from you and I have to admit when I started reading I wasn't very keen, the last 3 I have read from you have really been amazing and this tops it off. From an author I wasn’t really sure about to an author I want to read more from, and certainly will add to my favourites you really are an amazing writer.

    I struggled to find a favourite line they were all so good but I decided on this:
    Ugliness shall remain the virtue, value the vice.

    I also loved the double pre modification of heart in this line:
    as decency scolds the ruined, broken heart.

  • 12 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow, truly powerful piece.
    I like the writing style here, it's certainly different than your usual one, but I really adore it.
    Every stanza posses some poetical beauty wrapped up in sadness, which was truly effective.
    The words you've chosen, and every description throughout the piece made this write amazing, heartfelt and superb in so many ways.
    Also, I think that you did fantastic job with the repetitions. You picked effective lines to repeat at the end, which highlighted the message and the emotions expressed within the piece.
    Whole atmosphere is simply captivating, and I'd certainly like to re-read this couple more times, so I'm adding it into favorites.

    Greatly written.