Wow, what a lovely slice of chaos you've cast into the world. I live on another continent and I'm left feeling a little guilty, shuffling my feet, wondering if it's somehow all my fault. The poem starts off a little stilted but then its natural flow cuts in and your talent shines through. I think if you cut out the first part, and start the poem instead at- Oh in due time... it will make it a much stronger piece of work. The first nine and a half lines are okay, but without them, the poem hits the ground running and doesn't slow down until you're done. Sorry for waffling on. Mostly brilliant.
Let the Force hang loose
Matt