Comments : Letter to my Razor

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    I beg to differ really, I thought your flow worked quite well ^^
    Your rhyming was very good to =]
    It's a nice emotional piece

  • 15 years ago

    by aDORKable x3

    I'll agree with the flow being a bit off, but other than that, it was deep. I felt the emotions in every word, every line. I bet it feels great to get that off your chest.
    I don't know what it is, but I really like this one.
    4/5
    Ciaoxx

  • 15 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    I was so stupid and foolish
    I was young and dumb
    I felt so horrible about myself
    You stopped me feeling numb
    ^^maybe in the last line add "from feeling numb" it will help the flow there a little : ) the flow was not bad ! ((by the way)) it was only a little rocky in that last line...
    ok a suggestions is maybe use some stronger adjectives instead of "dumb" or "horrible" those are too generic! you don't have a generic poem here so maybe spice it up a bit : )

    But now I realize you were a mistake
    I don't want you in my life anymore
    You just left me in pain,
    Lying in a pool of blood, crying on floor
    ^^aww..that's so sad! i mean great job here with getting your emotions across i mean it was shocking to read something so blunt and sad it was very good though maybe just add some more to the third line it was a weebit shorter than the rest of the lines that will fix the flow

    I was addicted to you
    But now I am free
    You no longer have control
    You have no grasp over me
    ^^i like the re enforcement of him having no effect over you you said it great in line three but backed it back up in line four which i think added something more official and clever about it great job : )

    I am going to get on with my life
    Forget about the painful past
    That cut was my deepest
    But now it is my last
    ^^great ending ! i mean to come to that conclusion is powerful and just majestic! maybe keep the lines around the same length they descended here and that distracted me but other than that i loved this stanza it did a great job of wrapping the poem up

    so overall suggestions:
    use some stronger adjectives and keep the lines the same length!! : )
    great job though !!
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    Well i like that the poem was straight forward. It just shows the innocence of the protagonist.But is certainly tragic how it ends.

    That cut was my deepest
    But now it is my last

    ^^^ I got a very errie picture on my mind of how you end the poem

    Well i certainly enjoyed reading it and i think you really have a good flow.Keep it up5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Annaam

    It's well-written.. :)
    Yes, the flow is not that great, :), but I really loved the end. I'm sure it must have been quite difficult for u to write it, but u've done a good job! :)

    Keep It Up!
    4/5. :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Not Enough

    WOW,,, this one is my favorite!
    I like the story more than anything...
    It's great you're not cutting(That sounds weird lol)
    but it's not good to cut =(
    GREAT POEM!!!!!!!!!!<3

  • 15 years ago

    by Courtney Hough

    This was jus how i feel to it i was the same way and now i havnt anymore. What i really like in this is that its showing that cutting is a mistake annd that it is like a drug. Im so happy u recognize that..........hang in there if u need to talk im here 5 out of 5