Comments : Mingled

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    You could do with some punctuation, just to break it up a bit but wow!

    'Tonight your dark thoughts will open the door to dreary dreams
    Broken mirrors and shattered glass, a scene from a nightmare'

    I loved the alliteration in the first line, and whilst the second line isn't the strongest, it fits with the poem's theme and feel.
    I can really envision the scene you're setting and I really like the title, mingle is such an underused word!!
    I admire the word choice in this poem, but I think the second line stands out as being a bit weak compared with such brilliant lines such as: 'Red shaded dress along a ribbon shielding the hushed stale body'

    Hushed is a lovely word, and this is a great poem, really good word choice and whilst it's small, it serves it's purpose. Well done Nawa :]]

  • 15 years ago

    by Cara

    Wowweee! This was amazing! What an incredible piece of dark poetry that had goosebumps forming on my arms. Really well written, the wording was fantastic. I dont even know what to say! It was great!
    I dont know why this doesnt have more comments. It really deserves it.
    5/5