Comments : Never Let This Go.

  • 15 years ago

    by Blissful

    I see someone is trying the new style I've been writing in. Lol. I'm kinda tired so don't feel like leaving a long comment but overall I really enjoyed the piece...very heartfelt.

    *5/5*

  • 15 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Memories should indeed be treasured and in time the good ones erase the bad ones.
    You are a sweet young girl and I think in time your young heart will love again:)
    Beautifully written Temps, with lots of emotios displayed:)

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    Oooh, I like the form. It's like the form I did, with that repetition too. It's visually pleasing :]

    ''Memories so vivid from an unforgettable past,
    every word carefully spoken with tender affection,
    made us dance eternally, melting like ice cubes.
    I'll never let the memories fade. '

    The simile of melting like ice cubes was saddening, because once they melt, they cant be frozen again, never to their original stature. I loved that. Really drove that helplessness feeling into the reader.

    'Your hands like silk that laid upon my glowing skin,
    delicate lips that kissed me from time and time again,
    left imprints so that your presence was remembered. '

    I like the idea of the presence left upon your skin, but I dont think it needs to be stated like that. I mean, just having it without 'so you would be remembered' would be nicer. Maybe rephrase the last line. It's kinda states the obvious a bit. The word choice was beautiful though. Really really nice.

    'A special love that bloomed so beautifully like a flower,
    injected scarlet roses into our souls as a reminder;
    each symbolizing every "i love you" expressed. '

    That repetition really gets me everytime, it just drums that optimism into the reader, even though the poem itself is still sad. I don't think you need 'like a flower', but the following line is probably the best line in the poem, its perfect. It made me feel really warm inside reading it haha. Bloody brilliant.

    'How you held my face as if it were fragile with your fingertips,
    leaning in for the magical touch in which left me in heaven,
    making my heart skip a beat as you gave me warmth. '

    Again, your word choice and syntax here was fantastic, really polished, and the last line there is really lovely, just reinstating the love you feel or want to keep feeling.

    'Your name is stitched within along with these memories,
    they'll remain with me for the rest of my life, forever,
    as I'll continuously look back at the moments shared.'

    'Stitched' is such a brilliant word to use, like the feelings are sewn into you, and cannot be torn loose. And it's a fantastic conclusion, you keep the tone throughout and with some minor changes, it'll be perfect.
    I loved how you changed the last line too, although 'I'll never let go' might work better. I don't know, it's just what I'd do. But brilliant work, again, outstanding.

    5

  • 15 years ago

    by Good Enough

    Made us dance eternally, melting like ice cubes.

    this line was my favorite. it spoke so loud with this poem very good and i hope ur memories last forever 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Wow, such a heartfelt write, I could truely tell this emotion packed write came from deep within. Excellent wording, I loved your choice of words and the imagery they created. The flow was flawless in my opinion, as well as the structure of the poem.

    I really like the repetition of the line, "I'll never let go of these memories." since it makes you keep thinking of the loving devotion that one' has towards another as well as tieing together the rest of the poem very nicely.

    Overall a fantastic write, keep up the great work!!!

    Peace, Joe