Comments : The Ramblings

  • 11 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    "I am inked within the backdrop
    Of Yesterday's Eyes. Of words
    Tracing Tomorrow's curved mouth."

    I absolutely love this part. A very nice read, though it didn't necessarily seem sad to me. Good job.

  • 11 years ago

    by Cindy

    Nice job Kaylee.
    It is so nice to be reading your poems again.
    Love Cindy

  • 11 years ago

    by End Of Eternity

    Loved the poem but spl these lines blew me

    I am inked within the backdrop
    Of Yesterday's Eyes. Of words
    Tracing Tomorrow's curved mouth

    all the best and take care

  • 11 years ago

    by Blissful

    Hmmm. I read this a couple of times to truly grasp its feeling and I'm still not sure if I did.

    "Pricked, a withdrawel of blood"
    ^I think you mean "withdrawal"

    "Of Yesterday's Eyes. Of words
    Tracing Tomorrow's curved mouth."
    ^I'm not sure why you capitilized "yesterday" and "tomorrow" but what I got from it is that they are so significant in life and thats how you showed its importance. Yesterday makes us who we are today with its experiances whereas tomorrow is what we strive for and hope for what we want to be. I could have interpreted this totally differently but thats what I saw.

    When you said you were "inked by yesterday" that gave me the image of yesterday is always going to a part of you no matter if we like it or not.

    Very deep poem you have here full of meaning and I think I just got the jist of it. Nonetheless I enjoyed taking a stroll through your mind.

    Well done.
    *5/5*

  • 11 years ago

    by Lethmelodis

    Misguided,
    Sliding against the edges
    Pricked, a withdrawel of blood
    Travels the finger's length
    Poised against the tragic pen

    ^^ A solid start. The flow is a little hard to pick up on, but that's not a problem. I typically read poems as lyrics, so that's all me. As far as the words themselves go, I see no problem. Mechanically though, the lack of commas threw me off. But like I said, it doesn't ruin the experience. So far, great start, really draws me in.

    I am inked within the backdrop
    Of Yesterday's Eyes. Of words
    Tracing Tomorrow's curved mouth.
    Against the sheets crinkled to touch my palm.
    Clatter. I am Gone.

    ^^ I like this stanza as far as content goes, and the intro line "I am inked within the backdrop" really leaves the reader open to questions, the only problem I have is with its arranged. Its hard to follow a bit. But, other than that, its another great stanza.

    Sorry if I seem a bit harsh. I don't mean to. Its a great piece, really. I've always been one for dark pieces anyways, so the overall vibe really suits my reading tastes. Its a deep and intricate little write, and I could see where one could draw many different meanings from it.

    Great job, 5/5 from me.

  • 11 years ago

    by ben thompson

    Very nice write

  • 11 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Excellent word choice in this deep and meaningful piece. It is up for individual interpretation of course, it may mean something different to someone else, but that is the magic of poetry. Nice job!