"Lend me your eyes tonight."

^^Love this opening, unique and original, pulled me in right away.

"Maybe for an unpleasant change
I could look at me, unsuspecting,
and in your all-encompassing glance
see the termites at work,
the rotting facade.
See through all the cardboard walls,
the blank canvasses."

^^I liked the emotion that was in this stanza, it makes it easy for the reader to 'feel' your words, however I don't think you need the fillers, (I, the, and etc) maybe

Maybe for an unpleasant change
I could look at me, unsuspecting,
In your all-encompassing glance
see termites at work,
rotting facade.
See through all cardboard walls,
blank canvasses.

"Maybe for an unpleasant change
I would look through and beyond
at things that transcend an 'I',
at the onyx star-lit sky,
at the reason why winds sigh,
at the carefully fabricated lie,
at the distance between you and I."

I didn't like the constant use of "at," maybe:

Maybe for an unpleasant change
I would look through and beyond
at things that transcend an 'I',
and an onyx star-lit sky,
Reason why winds sigh,
at a carefully fabricated lie,
finally, the distance between you and I.

Also I was thrown as in the first verse there was no rhyme but nearly every line rhymes here.

That being said, this is still my favourite stanza of the piece for the simple fact that the imagery and feeling portrayed throughout is incredible.

"And in that omniscient moment,
I'd transform my doleful lament
into a beauteous song;
I'd harmonize with the universe,
and dissolve to become music."

^^Again I don't think you need so many fillers, maybe

In that omniscient moment,
I'd transform my doleful lament
into a beauteous song;
harmonizing with the universe,
dissolving to become music.

"Sing me then, on starry nights.
I'd live on, forever,
on the resilient strings of your guitar,
on the resounding baritone of your opera,
on the sighing arms of west wind."

^^I thought this stanza was a little weaker than the rest of the poem which is string throughout, maybe reword or add some more?

"Lend me your eyes tonight... "

^^Love the repetition here, I found it to work really well.

I did enjoy this, I just think it needs a little work, and with that work could be even more beautiful than it already is.

:) This poem made me smile, darling. You did a wonderful job with it. I adored the details/descriptions through-out the poem and the way you've written it. A lot of it seems to be a bit ironic (silent strings,etc) and I love that. Another thing I liked about it was the first stanza. The whole 'termites at work' and 'rotting facade' was quite clever. The entire poem is quite clever.

I honestly see nothing wrong w/the poem. You've done a wonderful job. Kudos, Kudos, Kudos.

This was beautifullie writen. it sounded more like a song to me then a poem idky ask my mind. it just did and it would make a amzing song well to me. i like it. once again you did a great job.
keep it up!
5/5

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy