Comments : The Moment of Truth

  • 15 years ago

    by Hatori

    Beautiful emotion behind these words like always. However, I think you could have conveyed them with a little more power. Perhaps shortening the longer lines so it was a steady flow? It seemed that some of what you were feeling was getting lost. But still, I particularly liked this line:

    "I don't want to fall apart from the first finger I twitch."

    It gave me this image of defenseless and uncertain. This line really set the poem up as it grabbed my attention. Also, the repetetiveness in the lines just showed how much you really feel about the words you were saying.

    I kind of find the topic a little generic, but seeing as I know who and what this is about (I think), it's harder to say that. And finally, love isn't something you should be looking for like this. It's something you come across and just know. So keep that in mind.

    Anyways, this was a pleasant read and I'd say 4/5

    --Hari