Comments : Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me

  • 10 years ago


    Holy crap. First two lines and I was amazed. I was pulled in, and wanted more.

    `I could stay right here forever, lost in your eyes;
    If only I could rip the wings off these butterflies..

    The image is so strong, so intense. The image of ripping the wings off the butterflies is one I have never seen before, but I love. Its really left me gobsmacked.

    `Shuddering, I grasped your warm palm against mine,
    And as a shiver crept up and down my spine,
    I smiled, as our velvet fingers delicately entwined;
    [Hold me close to you, let me feel your heart beat.]

    Theres a musical quality to this, I'm not sure what it is but it really just fits. It flows perfectly, even though the last line is out of rhyme. The one thing I found through the flow off here was the repetition of "as" in the second and third lines. Maybe change one of them to a word with similar meaning, to help the flow.

    `The sun dipped over the horizon, as we lay:
    Just you and I, praying the rest would go away,
    And in the early hour, you smiled over at me,
    Our shadows silhouetted on the tall oak tree.

    The description and imagery here is lovely. Each word was heartfelt, you can feel the emotion.

    `If I could get lost in this moment forever, I would;
    But I don't get half the things I think I should.

    Haha, I love the ending. Really do. Its like after a serious, emotional, heartfelt poem you gave a little kink, a little something else.

    Excellent poem.


  • 10 years ago

    by Aubrey

    Magnificent Poem.
    Loves the desprictions, loved the imagery.
    Each word has emotion in it.