Comments : Dont start talk, i'm on a roll

  • 13 years ago

    by Mess Of A Dreamer

    I liked it.
    It reminded me of myself.
    :] good job

  • 13 years ago

    by Cyber Saiyan

    Overall, I think this is a good poem.

    I like the "Dear Sweetie / Baby / Angel" line, but I think it would sound better if you used them as one-liners inbetween stanzas. Its a little odd using such a short line, then including the following lines in the same rhyme scheme.

    I also though some of the rhymes were somewhat basic. You really have to be careful using common rhymes like ALL / FALL and HEAD / BED and VOICE / CHOICE. Readers can mis-take this for a less-advanced writing style. If you use less common or stronger rhymes, it shows you have a better grasp of the subject matter. I use the website www.rhymer.com for help with rhyming sometimes. Its a great tool that helps a lot.

    I assume the title should read "Dont star talkING, Im on a roll". If its a typo, you may want to correct it. Most readers will overlook a tile thats misspelled or one that doesnt make sense.

    I did like the flow and the repeated lines. It made it feel like a song.

    Keep writing.