Comments : Abuse Something Else

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Lick off all the leeches
    drowning in diluted skin;

    *This gave me a creepy feeling. But it also made me want to keep reading too.*

    tastes like living alcohol,
    carving a face to the inside of my cheek
    and suffocating it.

    *I love the use of personification here. It makes your words even more powerful*

    I am a substance
    conjoined to emotions
    by the bone of agony ...
    another beautiful me,
    juxtaposed incompleteness
    for rape of memory.

    *Wow....this was such a deep stanza. It's just overflowing with imagery and clever word play. I loved it. Honestly this stanza could stand alone...that's how good it is*

    Leeches penetrating
    for difficult mating;
    in making one more Jesus
    to put in glass,
    labeled for abandonment and abuse,
    a substance for no excuse.

    *This was such a good ending. Wow... I think you did a wonderful job with this. I think it's so advanced and mature. I love the words you use and the style ties everything together well. Keep it up. Nik*