Comments : Silently, I Scream

  • 12 years ago

    by Paiger

    I love the innocence of this poem, and the smooth flow reflected that perfectly. This stanza though needs to be rephrased:

    Though I was here
    Right in front of you,
    The reflection in your eyes,
    Flaunts that only her holds your heart.

    the last line doesn't make sense grammatically. I'd try something like ''Flaunts how she grasps your heart." Or if you prefer it simply change the her to she: "flaunts that only she holds your heart." besided that its very well writen, you see clearly the story, and it really gets your imagination going.

    keep up the good work, 5/5