Comments : Mistaken Identity

  • 14 years ago

    by Rachel RTVW

    Pulsing through my veins
    Our love was deep and pure
    An aching heart and sadness
    True love; the only cure

    Good start

    You had me from "Hello"
    Like a whisper on the wind
    I had a torn spirit
    That you alone could mend

    Good rhythm .going, uniform with the first stanza

    Promises of a lifetime
    Two hearts becoming one
    Loving through it all
    Our love a beacon like the sun

    I love the poem until the last line of this stanza, the rhyme seems forced here.

    But I've begun to falter
    I'm not who I was
    Life has begun to change
    Just like it often does

    Pressing into oblivion
    Not knowing what's to come
    A mistaken identity
    Kills the love that was

    Good rhythm, flow and rhyme aside from the one line I pointed out. Nice job!