Comments : Butterflies

  • 15 years ago

    by Chelsey

    This can actually shift from a sad poem to an inspirational poem, in my opinion.

    ^^ I totally agree with this comment!! I wrote a poem for a friend that said "Catipillars turn into butterflies"...and it was inspirational because my friend was in a dark place like a catipillar, but its only a matter of time before a true beautiful transformation takes place.

    I absolutely loved each and every stanza in this. My eyes bounced from line to line I didn't want it to end!
    Wonderfully done!

  • 15 years ago

    by Nee

    "Under strong branches
    Where life is renewed
    Butterfly shadows
    Beauty subdued"

    I REALLY loved this stanza, the rhyme and flow was really good.
    You don't know how much I love poems about butterflies..especially butterflies, they make me feel that life is just perfect!

    "How long I have been here
    Just cannot say
    The beat of light wings
    Just awoke me today"

    - I would suggest the first line to be a question.
    and the last or the second line, you should remove one of the "just"s let me try to re-write the stanza in whole:

    "How long have I been here?
    I can never say
    The beat of light wings
    Just awoke me today"

    This is a mere suggestion..you did an awesome job with the piece Jenn =)
    Write on~