Comments : I heard that you're a heartbreaker

  • 10 years ago

    by Krista

    This was a good poem, and I got the idea of it, but the rhyme scheme was different from the first stanza. The first stanza was ABAB and the second was AABB. You switched back to ABAB when you were back onto the third stanza, and that kinda messed with the reader. I would suggest keeping the rhyme scheme all the same throughout the poem. It helps better with the flow of the poem.

    I also noticed that the only punctuation was a few commas, a period now and then. Spice it up a little. Add some semi colons, colons, or dashes in different place. That's up to you though.

    Word choice in this poem was good too. I would just change the rhyme scheme soit's all the same and fix some of the punctuation.
    I'm not going to vote on this poem until other people have voted, just to be fair.

    Keep on writing.

  • 10 years ago

    by meganmarie

    Truly deep and powerful. its beautifully written. perfect wording. such meaning, its a wonderful read.

  • 10 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    I liked the subject you wrote about. Very interesting write for me in a good way that is, I liked your choice of words, greatly scripted.

    You know I tend to agree with the rhyme scheme comments, however - it is not always needed to be uniform in rhyme scheme. I believe it is possible for one to write a poem without acknowledging rhyme scheme, almost as a blank verse. Overall not bad, but could've been better since the flow was randomnized somewhat.

    I must say, although greatly worded and all the positive things I just stated I do have a few negitive statements to make.

    I would have liked to see more puncuation overall, instead of the ocassional period at the end of each stanza. Puncuation is very important in poetry it shows the reader when to pause or stop as well as adding to the overall flow.

    I noticed you use capitalization in the begining of ever line. It isn't needed, you only need to capitalize if you are starting a sentence or you are emphasising a word.

    Overall I really liked the poem, very unique and one in its own.

    Peace, Joe

  • 10 years ago

    by WakingFreedom

    Quite nice. I like the way you used your words to get what you meant across the board. If I make sense. =] It was well written and AWESOME. If I were to be saying anything else I would just be repeating what everyone else is saying. 5/5
    ~Mykel M.

  • 10 years ago

    by XxLastHopexX need to be nice...but i can be honest...that was amazing..keep writing.

  • 10 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    Torture! not torcher.
    You must have known my ex-wife as you parcelled her here perfectly.
    An excellent poem which could have gone off the Richter scale if you had got the stanza meter sorted. 5/5 Ray S

  • 10 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Krista said all I needed to say. Other than what she said I liked the diction in this piece. Not my favorite but still a good read from you. Glad to see you're writting more. I hope to see you change yuor style up a little and try some new ideas. You're a very talented writer and I can't wait to see more from you. Keep it up :) Nik