Neeeeeee I loved your poem !!!!

hands that burn
attempting to write empty thoughts,
on a paper of doleful lines
and a pen that cries
-silently-
^^^
This was my favorite part. I loved these lines as I feel I have been there so many times myself.

I read it the first time in PM and many times after. The images you created touched me ... and made me feel as though I were right there.

A wonderful read Neeeee and loved it I did !

I see two minor things that I would recommend changing.

First Line Verse 1 A mug lies before you.
I think it would fit better to say, A mug sits before you.

First Line Last Verse - Strength has come to it's peak - it's is a contraction for it is. The word should be its.

Other than those items, the poem is well written, the flow is good, reads well, lines break at the correct places. I take a meaning from this of a life filled with sadness and at times the person relishes and enjoys the pain and sadness. This may not have been the meaning you intended but is what I felt. Well done.

"A mug lies before you
filled with coffee
flavored with liquid pain,
Steam of rejection
all set on a table of fire."
`Wow was this ever interesting! What a awesome metaphor described perfectly..

"hands that burn
attempting to write empty thoughts,
on a paper of doleful lines
and a pen that cries
-silently-"
`Loved your personification of the pen crying, I can so relate to that feeling of trying to write your thoughts down but you cant seem to write them down no matter how hard you tried. I just loved the usage of burning, it really emphasised that you couldnt write anything from your empty thoughts.

"You gradually relish your pain
reveling-
an addict,
as if any antidote
would never heal you"
`revealing not reveling I believe

"Gazing at her vacant spot
(I once killed love
left it to rot,
yet I enjoyed the torment)"
`Ahh what do I say! Youve blown me away.. Letting love rot - never heard of that before. ;]

Nothing wrong with this as far as I'm concerned, just the one minor thing I mentioned. Flawless write.. I loved your metaphor, it really added to the poem and the reader couldnt stop reading.

Well done!!
5/5.
Temps. {Beyond a Poets Mind}

No temps :) I meant "revel" as in "take pleasure"
Thanks hun.

Well written Nema, the metaphor was uniquely picked. Thought the narration was fitting and the tone was consistent:

'A mug lies before you
filled with coffee
flavored with liquid pain,
Steam of rejection
all set on a table of fire.'

I found this a bit overwrought at first, there was a lot of negative imagery that conspired to be a bit too much? I don't like 'liquid pain' since you were describing a 'liquid' anyway, to further state it wasn't needed. 'Pain' isn't too original either.

Liked the transition from first stanza to second. :)

I have a suggestion on this bit here:

'attempting to write empty thoughts,
on a paper of doleful lines'

You could rephrase this and make the 'words' she writes empty, not the thoughts, then you can parallel this with the 'empty page' that was there before she wrote on it. Just a suggestion though, just cause I wasn't keen on 'empty thoughts'.

'and a pen that cries
-silently-'

Not sure if that worked though, it's too abstract.

'You gradually relish your pain
reveling-
an addict,
as if any antidote
would never heal you'

Loved this though, the following stanza is just as awesome except 'I enjoyed the torment' was too telling.

'while breaths tell you're alive-
They lie!'

Too sudden and distracts from the tone, it's also a bit clumsy and the cadence is disturbed.

Liked how your transition back to the cafe was done, it was a well written poem with just a few bits that could do with tweaking; I've pointed most of them out, I have more suggestions but I don't have much time so this will have to do. Keep up. Good work!

A mug lies before you
filled with coffee
flavored with liquid pain,
Steam of rejection
all set on a table of fire.

I loved this part the most! No need to tell you how this poem made me feel, coz you already know!

Just wanted to congratulate you on the well-deserved win!!

"ila el amam" ;) haha

Beautiful!

This is my favorite from you so far!

amazing job!

criticize? only compliments here!

5/5

Nice work Nema! My only complaint would be the title. Sad, sad.
I'm glad you won this week, you deserve it.

OMG Nema... I can see why you won. This poem is absolutely brilliant. I like how you express coffee flavored with liquid pain and how a pen cries... I mean those 2 expression totally blown me away. I'm proud to see you progress to be an excellent writer day by day;)

A truly well deserve win;)

Great work again as always. u know how to captivate the reader from start to end! 5/5 of course!!

Wow great poem, its perfectly written ur emotions are very clear great job