Comments : The Oblivion In Your Eyes Of Obsidian

  • 14 years ago

    by Cale

    The words of this poem are amazing and well put. I think the flow is perfect and you are an amazing poet! You have SERIOUS talent and i loved reading this! 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Clown

    I enjoyed this greatly. Beautiful picture painted here, and with such detail. I truly wish I could sonnet a love poem like this. Most love poems I read are all the same more or less, but this truly spoke in a differnt voice then what Im used to seeing, 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Words of the past haunt me as they linger nearby.
    I watch in a state of wakefulness as everyone else unites.
    My cold arms lacking the weight of the one whom I loved dear-
    Cannot find the peace of mind that I want to hold near.

    *Wow...this was such a sad opening. I just got dumped so I can really relate to this. It's such a sad feling, but you express it in such a beautiful way. Heartache is complex..but your words make your pain so simple. Nice*

    Silently counting the days that surpass me in a rush;
    Glimpsing at each night with the sound of an awkward hush.
    I bask in this sorrow that engulfs the rest of my broken heart,
    I'm lost without your presence; you kept me sane for the most part.

    *I know how this feels too. I feel like you stepped into my heart and wrote down my feelings. I really love the use or periodic syntax, it's very effective for what you are trying to say.*

    The rest of the time I went insane with your touches of affection;
    You held on tight to my kisses and promised me your protection
    I jumped off the cliff of self-control and spiraled down towards oblivion;
    Died without the chance to take one last glance into your eyes of obsidian.

    *Wow...this diction you use here is so strong. I really love your style. I wish more people wrote like you, with all heart :) *

    Weak tears fall down my ghostly white face as I walk down this road:
    I'm uncertain as to what direction to turn , I do not even know.
    But I trust my image of you that lie forever etched inside my mind;
    With you just in my heart and smiling so brilliantly within, I still can be alive.

    *I don't normally read or write love poems...But I'm soooo glad I read yours. This poem was epic my dear. I loved reading it. You got my vote :) Keep it up. Nik*

  • 14 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    This should of gone in to he sad poem category I think, Love can be a bit-h when it fulls apart. A lovely written lament to love that brought back a lot of harrowing memories now in my past I am glad to say.
    Has all I look for in a poem emotion, pace and a good ending. though the endingmight have been a bit more metered. 5/5 Ray S

  • 14 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    Again another beautiful poem, your flow was perfect and the rhyming was consistant all the way through =] It was a sad write and you kept me captivated with your brilliant chioce of wording.