Comments : Peaceful Insanity

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I loved your title.. very interesting. Normally insanity would not be thought of as peaceful so that really intrigued me and drew me into your poem.

    "Shaking hands meet haunted ears,
    the scream retreats, into the darkness of
    silence."
    `I dont know why the shaking hands thing didnt make sense to me, but the rest of it was well written.

    "Peace, at last.
    Heavy curtains cover bleak paintings of the world,
    the bedroom fades to black."
    `The is a filler word and can effect writing, so try to eliminate that word most of the time, it always helps with the flow

    "Wispy murmurs and withered shrieks
    yawn a final goodbye:
    The deteriorating mind succumbs."
    `I love your word choice, very well done there, great words to portray that dark imagery and mood.

    I thought you did really really well with this, I cant suggest too much for changes.

    Temps!

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady C

    There's so many things I like about this, it's an amazing poem. It flows beautifully and I feel like I...relate.

    "Controlled chaos explodes, devastated,
    subconsciously seeking answers
    for a betrayal of thoughts,

    yet the peace lays ignored, whole"

    This is my favorite part. Absolutely amazing. You have talent. 5/5!