Comments : The Majestic Feeling Of Love

  • 10 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    First stanza you form a bond? perhaps
    fifth stanza the silence can be accepted just alone for being with them? perhaps
    I would have another look at the sixth stanza was it intentional? as I think although the poem needs it, it breaks the rhythm and flow This poem could be magnificent though I do like it a lot and it is worth an excellent. Excellent poem and I love the last stanza as like you believe that all life and good stems from love. Could anything as glorious as our world come from anything but? Ray S 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    'A distinct emotional reaction-
    You form a bound and a win lose attraction-
    The days go by slowly in the arms of love-
    Constantly grinning by the warmth of a touch.'
    `I got confused with the first two lines.. it feels as though theres a few words missing like you meant to say 'A distinct emotional reaction forms a bond and a win-lose attraction' - I think you meant to say bond instead of bound? The first two lines really threw me off terribly..unless that was just me. Win lose attraction may need a - in between them because they need separation. One last thing, if I were you just use comma's not the dash.

    'You don't abide by any set rules you elicit your own-
    Waiting at the door of that certain someones home.
    It's a cautious feat to subside to in the start-
    A normal attachment turn's into a matter of the heart'
    `In the first line you should put a comma after rules..and replace your -'s with comma's as well.. it works better.Turn's doesnt need an apostrophe.. it is written as 'turns' - Good stanza though, I would have almost like more emotion in it though.. what does it feel like to stand there waiting at their door? You say its a normal attachment, yes... but I feel like this part is lacking emotion.

    'More than once you'll stare into beautiful eyes-
    They will brighten your day and make blue in the skies-
    A fervent adoration sparks to life a feeling so plain-
    But when it's true it is not so normal and it has not a name.'
    `They will brighten your day and make blue in the skies.. - I didnt like say.. how about saying... 'They will brighten your day, painting the skies blue.'
    `Put a comma after life.. I love your phrase 'spark to life' that was amazing.

    'We call it love in many words and like phrases-
    But it's more than just that in so many cases-
    Whenever they are near we get a smile on our faces-
    It's experienced in any culture and shared by many races.'
    `Indeed that feeling is called love, and love to all of us may be something different. We all have different ways of describing love.

    'We feel like we could cry when we see them in tears- Wanting to be there hero or heroine and chase away their fears.
    Silence can be accepted just for alone being with them-
    It's a ingenuity that we long to share with her or him.'
    `The first line is way too long if you want it to fit your style. I would do this..

    'We feel like we could cry when we see them in tears-
    Wanting to be there to chase away their fears.'

    [I dont think you need hero/heroine.. its obvious that this person holds extreme power if they were to chase away your fears.]

    'A spark of a flame that can light your whole body on fire-
    You find you long for their body pressed against your own-
    Beautiful limbs that carve a sculpture made to be a home.
    Silken skin that changes the elements to both love and desire.'
    `Good describing what we long for when we love someone. That attraction and how we want to be near them. Good alliteration with silken skin.

    'It's fair to say that falling in love is the greatest gift of all-
    Just being able to slip and in their arms you fall.
    I can concur that it's simply life's greatest feeling-
    Because love sets everyone's heartbeat spiraling and reeling.'
    `Good ending - yes many do think that love is life's greatest gift and the best feeling in the world.. I was hoping for something more unique here- like what you believe--what could you say that would have just as much meaning?

    As for the puncuation in the piece since you wanted help with that, I would only suggest to really change your dashes into comma's. Thats more poetic.. in my opinion. I also gave you some other suggestions throughout my comment - I hope they help.

    Good job --

  • 10 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Nice work, girl:)

    A strong plea for love and rightly so!
    Love is the most powerful and rewarding of all emotions and the only thing that multiplies when shared with others.

    The days go by slowly in the arms of love-

    ^^

    I found this to be the most significant line in the whole poem, for indeed when we are in love, every day seems to last forever and every moment is felt so intensly.

    Great poem, loved it.

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid