Krista,

This was a story that felt so real. I could almost see this in front of me....

They come upon a scene of madness,
yet we lay still away from twisted metal.
Hands loosely held together in death,
our half-open eyes gazing into one another's,
the crescent moon shining down.

^^
This was such a powerful stanza..almost like a tragic love story movie....

You have a way with words, young lady!

I will toast to your health and happiness tomorrow;)

*hugs*

5/5 Ingrid

This is some powerful stuff. Death and love together. Great stuff.

I felt the first line was too short. Like you stated something, and it suddenly stopped, I thought it was awkward to read. Other than that the poem was splended.

I especially liked the sliver of moon in his eye (cold be a girl, I don't care) and how you could count the stars in them. That was creative, I haven't really seen something like that before.

Then the poem started to get darker, with the blood, and the chaos. It was great.

5/5

Nice poem, well written.

*First off I love the title :) *

A small sliver of silver light,

*Great alliteration here.*

embedded deep in the still darkness.
Perfect curve, slit among bright stars,
sparkling in your everlasting eyes.
I could forever count the stars in your eyes...

*What a beautiful image that is. I can tell that you really care for this person and that you could get lost in the beauty of their eyes. Very lovely image hun. A great way to start your poem*

Taking our final breaths on cold gravel,
you look more beautiful than ever.
Though your own blood wets your shirt,
it doesn't affect the peace in the moment.

*Aww this part is sad. It makes me wonder what happened to make this person start bleeding. But I love how you say the blood doesn't take away from the moment...that's a really sweet thing to say. I loved it :) *

Whispering our final 'I love you's',
promises of love that will never be.
Sirens, faint in the distant night,
sighs, overpowering the straining lights.

*I really love how you worded this stanza. I feel like I'm with you two.This is such a sad and emotional scene and I think you did a wonderful job describing it.*

They come upon a scene of madness,
yet we lay still away from twisted metal.
Hands loosely held together in death,

*I like that you said 'loosely" most people say tightly or something like that*

our half-open eyes gazing into one another's,
the crescent moon shining down.

*Awww such a sad ending :( Krista I think you wrote a very sad love story with a really shocking ending. I enjoyed it from start to finish. Very beautiful and intresting imagery throughout. Great work honey :) Nik*

'A small sliver of silver light,
embedded deep in the still darkness.
Perfect curve, slit among bright stars,
sparkling in your everlasting eyes.
I could forever count the stars in your eyes...'
`What a beautiful ending, I really truly loved the last line, it was magnificent. (: I think that this is a great beginning, you have everything in it that I see fit to make a great beginning -youve used easy but good word choice, youve engaged the reader & you have put your own unique touch to it.

'Though your own blood wets your shirt,'
`Didnt like wets here, it seems out of place in this sentence, as in something should replace it because it doesn't sound good.

'sighs, overpowering the straining lights.'
`I think you can eliminate the in this line.

A great stanza ^ Sets more of a sad mood now, making me think you should put this in the sad category?

'They come upon a scene of madness,
yet we lay still away from twisted metal.
Hands loosely held together in death,
our half-open eyes gazing into one another's,
the crescent moon shining down.'
`A sad but beautiful ending at the same time.

Well done yet again. (: