Comments : Return to me

  • 14 years ago

    by BrittBaby aka wonderwoman

    It a very touching piece...i enjoyed reading it, ur words tell a story...
    keep up the good work xox

  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    The only one I'm loving so true
    *I would change this to "the one keeping my love true" that seems to flow better and makes more sense than the way you have it.*

    have i got a chance to say i love you
    have i got a chance to say i care
    *How you worded that really bothers me. I would change it to "Have had a chance to say I love you" and so on. That sound so much better to me*

    your the one i want to hold
    *You used the wrong word here. It should be "you're"*

    return to me, baby ill be
    *You had a pattern of saying "I will be" I liked that. I think you shoud say it here instead of "I'll"*

    still tears came in your eyes
    *I don't think "in" sounds right here. maybe "to" works better.*

    my heart and romance
    return to me
    *I like your ending. it's simple, but I know what you mean. I think this was a sweet poem with alot of emotions. I hope she came back to you ^.^ Good work hun. Nik*