Comments : Poem fragment

  • 13 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Enthralled by raven hair and lace
    Your crimson lip's make my heart race

    *Wow.....that is such a beautiful way to start a poem. I love it...flawless :) *

    While I'm gazing in your eye's
    Fall to ash
    World I despise
    A new place born
    A phoenix rise
    My sanity is compromised

    *I really like how you worded this. The syntax was creative too and made the poem very easy to read and understand. Your diction is also strong here.*

    Your name, repeated from the time I was young
    Forever remains on the tip of my tongue
    Whenever we touch, the world is on fire
    Together consumed by the flames of desire

    *You have to let me know when you finish this!! It's so amazing and creative. Not my style really but I enjoyed reading it. I think you did a great job here. Keep writing hun. Nik*

  • 13 years ago

    by Em

    WOW, I know you said it's incomplete but a part of me thinks that it is. Flawless in every way, 5/5. Em
    P.s. if you think of anything to complete it then please let me know :)