Comments : Hopes and Dreams

  • 14 years ago

    by Kuro

    Wow. i really liked this. the rhyme and rythem made it really easy to read the the part about the dreams gave it to look forward to while visualization was provided while on the street. it gave me a good visualization. like i could easily picture it. and it had a good theme with the re-occuring "to yell out to the world..."

    you have a lot of good things going for you here. i accidentally rated this a 4, but it deserves a 5.

    there was one thing i found, however. in the stanza:
    "Misguided and alone
    she's scared to see whats next,
    if all like brings is tragedy
    what should she expect?"

    i think you meant to put: "if all LIFE brings is tragedy"
    other than that, very well done

    ~Ben

  • 14 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    A very sad tale.. But our hopes and dreams are within us only.. Life's like that.. It goes on.. Wonderful write.

  • 14 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    To yell out to the world
    "I'm okay with my mistakes!"
    - something about the last line just throws me off , there's like one syllable too many and it just makes all the difference.

    but other than that , I love the flow of the poem . all the words intertwine , and it works perfectly together :) .

    She walks into the street
    and looks up at the sky,
    her hopes and dreams are up there
    but her feelings were pushed aside.
    - I don't like this as your conclusion . I think it goes kinda off topic ? But , the stanza before it would work just fine . Those are my only suggestions , but still 5/5 .

  • 14 years ago

    by Martha

    I really liked it! good job! it was nice! everyone can be the subject of this poem. 5/5!! great!! keep it up... I was so amazed

  • 14 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    I am not usually en amore of repetition yet it use here was in a different way and it worked with your poem as an emphasise to the hopes and dreams of the subject very unique I think.
    The few mistakes I see have been pointed out to you in other comments, if they are edited and they should be this poem will be excellent 5/5 Ray S