Comments : A path that must be found

  • 9 years ago

    by Caroline

    Wow, its amazing :)
    Very true and descriptive.
    Great word choice. Its beautiful!
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Caroline

    Wow, its amazing :)
    Very true and descriptive.
    Great word choice. Its beautiful!
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Deana

    You paint a very accurate picture of society, always searching for that purpose that will bring some kind of validation to this journey.....An excellent write! One that must be read and reread to get the full content! very well done!

  • 9 years ago

    by Kristina

    This poem is very deep and that's what I like most about it. You did a great job writing it and expressed yourself very well. 5/5

    ~Kristina

  • 9 years ago

    by MERCY is never shown

    I like the way you use your words to show such great imagery its really good and kinda makes people think about how they are themselves great job

  • 9 years ago

    by Nee

    Nicely penned :) I enjoyed some lines here, but I have to criticize some:

    "Like the masses traveling a path of dark mystery
    Many crave to find the light in their murky history,
    Wandering about aimlessly in the shroud of shadows
    Trapped without purpose in reality's gloomy meadow."
    ^
    The rhyme here was too much since there were so many words ending with "y", you have mystery, murky, history, aimlessly, reality and gloomy..I think they defected the poem from the first read, especially that they were in the first stanza.

    "Where hope is born out of cries, in pains endless control."
    "Striving ever on to form and reform lifes fickle road
    Burned and churned in realitys furnace to quickly erode"
    ^
    First line "pains" should be "pain's", second "lifes" should be "life's", and "realitys" should be "reality's".
    Those things do matter.

    "To create a direction which can seen by the eye"
    ^
    You need a "be" after "seen".

    "Scraping the earth forming a path which has turned and turned "
    ^
    You need a comma after the word earth.

    Your poem lacks some punctuations, you should take care of them more I guess..

    Well done on this write :)
    Write on~

  • 9 years ago

    by Nee

    Sorry I mean a "be" before "seen" lol.

  • 9 years ago

    by Taz

    Love your work always have, wonderful poem just brilliant! 5/5 without question!