Comments : Fall in love

  • 14 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    Minette this is very badly written the English grammar is terrible and the poem does not make sense.
    1st Stanza

    L1 You and I both in love.
    You and I are both in love
    L2 Just like the stars that sparks above.
    Just like the stars that sparkle above
    L3 And we say this everyday.
    And we tell each other everyday.
    L4 I love you dear, come what may.
    That I love you come what may.

    2nd Stanza

    L1 You caught my heart I just can't believe.
    I can't believe you captured my heart.
    L2 Happy thoughts and smiles you always give.
    With the happy thoughts and smiles you always give.
    L3 An I love you word is what i wanted to hear.
    And I love your words as they are what I want to hear.
    L4 Never let me go for you are my greatest fear.

    You hold my hand and I grip it so tight.
    Just like the stars that sparkling tonight.
    For you are my darling and what I adore.
    And now this dying heart just suddenly restore.

    All the worries just fades away.
    All I ever think about is for you to stay.
    Having you in this world can feel no regrets.
    Falling in love with you is the best memory i can never forget.

  • 14 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    Minette this is very badly written the English grammar is terrible and the poem does not make sense in many places here is a quick correction. I Hope this helps never be content with your first, second or third draft read and edit over and over again until you are satisfied or until you think it acceptable this has a lot of potential hope you don't mind what I have done. If you need any more help let me know and I will see what I can do.

    1st Stanza

    L1 You and I both in love.
    You and I are both in love
    L2 Just like the stars that sparks above.
    Just like the stars that sparkle up above
    L3 And we say this everyday.
    And we tell each other everyday.
    L4 I love you dear, come what may.
    That I l will love you come what may.

    2nd Stanza

    L1 You caught my heart I just can't believe.
    I can't believe you captured my heart.
    L2 Happy thoughts and smiles you always give.
    With the happy thoughts and smiles you always give.
    L3 An I love you word is what i wanted to hear.
    And I love your words as they are what I want to hear.
    L4 Never let me go for you are my greatest fear.
    Never let me go for that is my greatest fear.

    3rd Stanza

    L1 You hold my hand and I grip it so tight.
    You hold my hand and I grip yours tight.
    L2 Just like the stars that sparkling tonight.
    This does not make sense
    Just like the stars that sparkle at night might.
    L3 For you are my darling and what I adore.
    For you are the darling that I adore.
    L4 And now this dying heart just suddenly restore.
    And you have brought back my dying heart to restore.

    4rd Stanza

    L1 All the worries just fades away.
    All my worries have just faded away.
    L2 All I ever think about is for you to stay.
    As all I ever think about is you as I want you to stay.
    L3 Having you in this world can feel no regrets.
    As having you in my world I feel no regret.
    L4 Falling in love with you is the best memory i can never forget.
    As falling in love with you is my best memory
    and I won't forget.

    My version

    You and I are both in love,
    Just like the stars that sparkle up above.
    And we tell each other everyday.
    That I l will love you come what may.

    I can't believe you captured my heart.
    Happy thoughts and smiles you always give.
    And I love your words as they are what I want to hear.
    So never let me go for that is my greatest fear.

    You hold my hand and I grip yours tight.
    Just like the stars that sparkle at night might.
    For you are the darling that I adore.
    And you have brought back my dying heart to restore.

    All my worries have just faded away.
    As all I ever think about is you as I want you to stay.
    As having you in my world I feel no regret.
    As falling in love with you is my best memory
    and I won't forget.

    Good luck never give in practice makes perfect and read as much poetry as you can but look how each poem is put together, Ray S