This to me is strange, ive never read anything so long.. i remember you saying you dont like to alter old poems..and i get that so remember this is a comment about a poem from your past not a newer one that your so much better with.

some lines seemed forced, and the overuse of common words makes me concentrate on that not anything else, the structure isnt very well done and like i said, its long and i felt restless reading all of this.

i do know you have come on leaps and bounds with your poetry - so much better than when you first started writting. you have learned alot! so good job! ibe